About the Author John M. Gottman, Ph.D., whose breakthrough study of 2,000 married couples over two decades resulted in this book, is renowned for his ability to predict -- with 94 percent accuracy -- which people will stay married and which will divorce. He is a professor in the Department of Psychology at the University of Washington in Seattle. Product Description If You Love Your Mate but Your Marriage Seems to Be Off Track, Then This Book Is for You Psychologist John Gottman has spent 20 years studying what makes a marriage last. Now you can use his tested methods to evaluate, strengthen, and maintain your own long-term relationship. This breakthrough book guides you through a series of self-tests designed to help you determine what kind of marriage you have, where your strengths and weaknesses are, and what specific actions you can take to help your marriage. You'll also learn: * More sex doesn't necessarily improve a marriage * Frequent arguing will not lead to divorce * Financial problems do not always spell trouble in a relationship * Wives who make sour facial expressions when their husbands talk are likely to be separated within four years * There is a reason husbands withdraw from arguments -- and there's a way around it Dr. Gottman tells you how to recognize attitudes that doom a marriage -- contempt, criticism, defensiveness, and stonewalling -- and provides practical exercises, quizzes, tips, and techniques that will help you understand and make the most of your relationship. You can avoid patterns that lead to divorce, and -- Why Marriages Succeed or Fail will show you how. Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved. Chapter 1 WHAT MAKES MARRIAGE WORK? Have you and your spouse ever planned a big romantic getaway only to find that once alone together, you fall into the same argument you've had twenty times before? Maybe it's about plans for the future -- whether to buy a bigger house, when or if to have a child, how to save for retirement. Or perhaps it's a past wound -- the way he acted on the honeymoon, or her fling with a co-worker that ended years ago. Or it could be a never-ending debate over housework, disciplining the children, when to have sex, or how to spend vacations. I know a woman who traveled with her husband all the way to New Zealand, only to have a nasty spat the night of their arrival. He wanted to go deep-sea diving the next day; she wanted to sun on the beach. "Your ideas are always so reckless," she fumed. "Why can't you just act like the middle-aged man you are?" He retaliated, "You stifle my sense of adventure," adding a note of quiet contempt: "You bore me to tears." Soon she was in tears, as their cross-fire continued for about an hour, until they finally called a truce. Stinging from one another's insults, they sat there realizing a worse pain: they could travel to the end of the earth together and still be stuck in a war that stared fifteen years ago, fighting the same battles over and over again. Sound familiar? Or are you and your spouse more likely to avoid such skirmishes at all costs? Perhaps you're more like another couple I'm familiar with, who will float through such a vacation together, giving in to one another's wishes, carefully sidestepping any potential disagreement, burying past disappointments, stifling any complaints, ignoring any suggestion of conflict. If you and your spouse are this way, the odds are neither of you would say what's really on your minds; that way there's no friction and nobody gets hurt. These are peaceful matches -- except for this occasional, unpredictable twinge of restlessness. It might surface, say, when he tosses his jacket over his shoulder in a certain way, or when she brushes a wisp of hair from her eyes with the back of her hand. It's these small, familiar gestures that can make you remember: There used to be more passion here. You wonder what happened to all the laughter and affection. When did life together become so fl
Why Marriages Succeed or Fail: And How You Can Make Yours Last
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Author: Gottman, John
Binding: Paperback
ISBN: 9780684802411
Details:
Author: Gottman, John
Edition: 1
Binding: Paperback
Format: Bargain Price
Number Of Pages: 240
Release Date: 01-06-1995
Package Dimensions: 8.3 x 5.5 x 0.7 inches Languages: English
EAN: 9780684802411
